REMAIN ON HIGH ALERT

Please be aware of your surroundings

From St. George’s to the Royal Naval Dockyard there have been numerous sightings of monstrous creatures with thrashing tentacles creating hurricane size waves off the shores of Bermuda. These unrelenting waves have been devastating to many of Bermuda’s beaches.

Ferry service has been suspended across the island

A number of gargantuan size beasts were sighted in St. George’s Harbour. One of the beasts in Convict Bay hurled the shipwreck Typhoon out into the open ocean.

All ferry service has been suspended after one of the deserted ferry’s was ripped from its mooring at the Royal Naval Dockyard and carried out to sea by one of the creatures. Local charters are however, braving the treacherous seas around Bermuda taking spectators on “Creature Watching Tours”.

St. Peters Church in St. George’s remains unscathed, but is being occupied by one of the monstrous creatures.
One local writer and expert on the Bermuda Triangle wishing to remain anonymous believes that climate change and unusual anomalies around the world has created a rift in the Bermuda Triangle unleashing these once thought of extinct Jurassic era creatures from the deep. He believes that the rift was only short lived and closed quickly afterwards. If not, Bermuda may become the true Jurassic Park of the world. One can only hope that this is not the case.

The invasion of Bermuda has begun

MUSTREAD

Survival kits at Gorham’s

Gorham’s Home Centre is one of the few shops remaining open during this unprecedented invasion. Local social media is reporting that their shelves are full and have many specials throughout the store to help the locals survive the invasion. Their low-lying location in the old marshes of Pembroke appear to be saving the shop from detection by the beasts. An unnamed source at Gorham’s says they are sampling free Monster Energy drinks today to give customers courage to face the creatures from the deep.

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